Well this is interesting.

In the aftermath of the DTR that ripped my heart in half, I've been spending an interesting week outside of my comfort zone. I don't get to talk to him nearly as often, because that stirs up feelings and hurt that don't need to be associated with his face. But he's still my best friend, and I'm not going to stop loving him. On that note, I have been trying to spend time with other people and build relationships outside of my small friend group. I had lunch with someone today. We're figuring each other out, still, but he's ridiculous and honest and his relationship with the Lord is incredible. I stand to learn a lot from him.

But he isn't Damon, and he doesn't read my mind or grab my hand when I'm scared or lost. He doesn't know when I'm struggling and he doesn't realize when I'm hurting. And he doesn't like musicals, which is ludicrous.

Josh, Damon, Aubrey and I went to see the Unashamed tour on Saturday night. It was epic. I don't handle crowds extremely well, which made Damon laugh, and he took my pulse while we stood in the massive throng of people. Just his fingertips on my wrist--some of the only physical contact that I'd shared with him in a week--made me feel more at ease. I fell asleep tucked into his shoulder on the way home. He doesn't know I noticed--he thought I was asleep when he did it--but at some point during the ride, he took my hand. It was perfect.

So, obviously, things are getting worse. Monday night he wanted to talk, and I couldn't give him any time until eleven, but he promised that it was perfect. I told him about the boy who had expressed an interest in me--he laughed at me. "Conor, I knew. You aren't as sneaky as you think."

I'm plenty sneaky. Just FYI. I tried to explain to him why I hadn't told him sooner, but it turned into him wrapping me up in a giant hug and my heart completely melting. I told him that he wasn't making this any easier, but he just held me a little tighter. So we're a giant mess.

He told me that my playing the piano and the ukulele were two things that made this more difficult for him. I told him that he was left handed and wore glasses. And to stop it.

"I haven't worn my glasses in a while. Do you want me to wear them more?"
"Damon, which direction do you want this to go?"
"I'll wear my glasses more."

That was the sound of me dying. Send help.

In an last ditch effort to find something to disagree with him over, I asked if he liked musicals, to which he responded, "I haven't seen very many. But I loved the sound of music."

Yep. Done.