Blind leading blind

Today was a good day for God to just take away all I had been standing on. I've been in strategic life training intensive for the past three days, and it's like coming off of the strangest spiritual high. I had mixed up my weekends, because I'm irresponsible and distracted, so initially I had planned on skipping Saturday, because I had a benefit walk at the same time as the training session. Silly me.

I feel like God really gets a kick out of us making plans. "You can have this fifteen minutes, God, but then I have to go get coffee with my friends...I can only talk for five minutes, Father, my show is starting." For me, it's almost always, "God, I have to finish my homework before lecture, can we make this a short one?" Today was a day that I really didn't want to give it up. Even after I realized that my morning plans had fallen through, I was still a brat about the time He wanted me to spend in His presence.

My best friend (and roommate), Aubrey, woke me up at 8:00 to get ready, and my entire body completely rejected the idea of staying conscious. I lay in bed for a long time, staring at the ceiling and trying to convince God that today was a good day to be lazy.

After I dragged myself out of bed, dressed myself, and filled my water bottle, I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. When people frustrate me, I usually think to myself, You are a beautiful creation of God, and He wants me to love you as much as He does. It doesn't always work, but most of the time, it keeps me from using some harsh, hasty words. This morning, I tried the same thing on myself. I was still pretty annoyed with the day.

When we got to the church for the first session, I was still trying to explain to God why today was a bad day for us to hang out. The speaker for the morning session, Don Walker, went ahead and knocked the wind right out of my puffed up sails. "Don't try to bargain with God. If you do, He'll only turn up the flames."

God doesn't want our half-hearted attempts at a relationship. He wants us to give Him the fullest of our devotion, because then He can take care of the rest.

John 3:30 was on my heart today. He must become greater; I must become less. How true is that? Every single day, I have to forget what I think my purpose is and let God take the reins. And by His grace, I might learn how.